So, uh, yeah. Everything's fine. Uh. Yeah. You know, not even fine, it's good. It's great, it's fanfuckingtastic and you know what, I don't even know who I'm kidding, but I definitely know that it is going to be a long time before you and I go drinking again.

(Not for your sake. For mine.)

At the risk of sounding like a housewife, I really can't wait for him to get home. Because goddammit if I fuck even one more thing up I'm going to have a fucking breakdown, I sear to God I will. And besides all that shit, I'm sick of scaring my own gang into apparent silence. If everyone's dead, somebody better send me a slip from the goddamn morgue.

I could write a whole bunch of shit about how I've been cooped inside of my own volition for almost four weeks, but that's not honestly what I want to talk about. I finally called someone to get the air conditioning fixed. I watched television, watched shows I recorded a while ago wanting to see what was going on - I'm up to date on all my dramas. I've done my own laundry. Kiba sent me a bird cage for the Girls, and I don't like using it, but it's nice for them to have a place to sleep. I had the carpet's cleaned. I've been eating well, and I've stopped drinking soda just because I really like the taste of water better. I haven't been doing drugs or smoking or getting into trouble, and I've been trying not to worry about anything or anybody. I haven't gone out or done anything or recked anybody's life, and things are just sort of rolling along like they always do.

I feel like a fixated ghost. (The depression's gone, I guess, and I'm not lonely.) Everything just sort of goes around in circles, like normal, and I don't do too much, except take care of myself like I'm supposed to, and that's good, isn't it? I wake up and go to bed early and on a predictable schedule, I report in to my superiors on a timely and regular basis, I always get dressed when I wake up. It's not as if I laze around and get fat all day. I've been trying to get better at cooking - that's not to say it's working, but I guess that so long as I can eat what I make only for myself, that's good enough. It doesn't give me indigestion or anything. I'm healthy and well-behaved.

But if I had ever wanted a normal life like this, I would've just killed myself when I was 13, instead of running away.

If I had wanted a normal life, I would've been born into one.

And I wasn't.

So stop leaving me alone.

I'm not made of glass, you know.









Happy birthday, Sasuke.

May you achieve what you are meant to, and know that in the end, we probably still love you with all our hearts, she and I. In the end, even if I am ultimately the cause of your death, and of your unhappiness,

I will have loved you with all of myself.

And that's all that really matters, either way.

I'm not sending you a gift.

I don't really care if you didn't want one.

Don't go wasting this year like you wasted the last.

So, other than the fact that life sucks and my air conditioner isn't just magically coming back on goddammit everything's pretty much fine. I'm working on learning how to spontaneously combust, mostly because I'm sure it's easier than dousing yourself in lighter fluid in a crowded room and waiting for somebody to make a mistake with a candle; I'm trying to learn to Apparate, too, like those crazy British sons of bitches, not because learning to do so would be that useful, but just because popping in and out of existence would be pretty wicked cool.

Being depressed fucking sucks.

( P R I V A T E; )

Dear World,

Let's have hate sex.

Quick, before the hate wears off.

Love,
うずまきナルト

To sum things up, life sucks and everyone hates me. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Everyone in my own gang hates me. Oh, and Sasuke's. But other than that, I'm beloved the motherfucking world over. Can't even touch this. Thank God there's symbolic animals that always come back through the window to try and keep me company. Who the fuck says you can't buy love? Birdseed's barely 600円, you idiot, and that's all it takes.

And here I thought you were good at figuring out symbolism, Hyuuga.

If I didn't tell anyone (most of you know already because I'm just that motherfucking popular) my air conditioning is broken and it's hot. Being the highest form of life that there could ever be does not, apparently, make me immune to heat stroke. If I really faint, I'm going to seriously start questioning my gender.

I don't know if this counts as a plan of action so much as it counts as acting without a plan. Or maybe it counts as hiding in plain sight? The hell I would know. The witness protection program is supposed to be working against me, right?

So, apart from the fact that I got the numbers back from a certain somewhere, and a certain someone hasn't been filling their quota (you know who you are), everything for April matches up. I think Baa-chan's going to have me working off those snakes for a lifetime, but I guess two months isn't really enough to measure how mad she is was ...is? may or may not still be. But fuck, it was worth it. Sakura, you should come over and make sure I haven't done any of this math wrong among other things. I got something from a friend overseas that I'm dying to try out. We can trade off.

In other news, I'm pretty seriously worried about Tenten. Anybody seen or heard anything out of her in the past few weeks? I mean, if she was just avoiding me that'd be fine because I mean, hell, I can fix that but it sounds like she's been avoiding everyone. I'm cool with you antisocialites, don't get me wrong, but I just don't expect it from Ten-chan, you know? Should I be more worried than I have been? Like "contact the authorities" type worried? There's a whole squadron of you people who've been out of my sight for some time now, too. Yeah, here's lookin' at you, Shika. (Lee, I know you're busy, I won't bitch because we're really not all too bad off at the moment.)

I better not find out you three have been skulking around doing shit, though. 'Specially if it's in our name and I haven't heard about it yet. You clear this shit, you guys. No private excavations. Ecchi and Baa-chan have been on my ass about that for reasons I'm not yet licensed to talk about.

By which I mean: Neji, I may or may not need to talk to you. We could avoid aforementioned conversation altogether if you were to beat me to the punch and know what it was about. I'd really rather never, ever have the conversation that my instincts tell me we should probably have, just because I really don't want to interfere with anything you do to that extent. I really don't. So beat me to the goddamn punch and put me out of my misery, won't you? And, uh, if you can, avoid talking to your uncle until I say otherwise. It should only be a few days, tops, but I really need you to either not talk to him or talk to him as little as humanly possible if that differs from your regular itenerary at all.

I'd say it was nothing personal if I were even going to go into that.

I'm not.

Gaara, I need to talk to you, too, for a completely different reason that I'm not at ends to discuss in a public forum, either. They always get me in shit like this, I swear. Nothing bad I don't think but necessary enough. (I need to ask you a favor. ...and your always welcome in my house, too, you know.)

Seven guesses at what I'm holding behind my back. ♥

You're going to die in seven hours - inevitably and in a way you cannot possibly change or otherwise prevent - and have simultaneously realized that you are - irreversibly - the largest dillhole to ever roam the earth and that the majority of your friends hate you, and will actively (and without qualm) partake and participate in your death. What are your feelings on this? How do you react? Discuss.

So things are either slowly getting better or quickly getting worse, and I'm optimistic enough to hope it might be the former, but paranoid enough to be sure it's the latter. It's a weird bunching sensation. I don't know. I feel like I'm hanging from a bungee cord, which is fine and all, but I'm not exactly sure how I got here, so it's kind of bothering me. When did I turn into a therapist, and why didn't I notice or demand a credential when it happened? And if I'm the patient and nobody's telling me, I'll fuck up somebody's shit. Swear to God.

Maybe I'm just waiting for everything to blow up.

Is that bad?

Doesn't my awesome just make you want to wet yourself?

Don't.

I'm just clarifying. ♥

Poker Night's tomorrow, as of now. Before you escape, Neji. ♥ You've gotta get a taste of Poker Night. You'll be happy you did. Lee, you and me can go shopping beforehand; I think I know exactly where we can go to get those oranges. ♥ Tenten, I assume you'll be helping us cook? I know the kitchen's small, but it's always fun to all be in there together.

I know what I'll be betting, you two.

I can't wait to hear what you will be. ♥