⑱→london bridge, quick! burning down / london bridge, slick! unholy crown

I can stop by on my way home from class to check the numbers if that's good for you. And no, you can use that lotion with someone else.

Sounds great. You know I'm not the best at math. And, c'mon, it'll make my hands less hot. And it'll make you smell even better than you already do.

But I like the fact that you're always warm. It's relaxing. (And no, none of that is meant to be taken further in meaning than simply that.) *taps chin, trying to turn his logic on him* Well, if it makes me smell even better, then I'll have to start going out a lot more, won't I? Test my luck and such.....

...or you could just test it on me. I'm a great tester. 've gotta good nose.

I know what you're talking about.


Do not put yourself between my uncle and me.

I'll do whatever I have to.

I need you to shut him up, Neji, or I need you to end it.

Preferably before your uncle calls again.

If you don't involve yourself, it will not be a problem for you.

Did I not say how much I didn't want to have this conversation or be involved at all? Neji, I'm on your side. The only reason Hiashi isn't beating down your door yet is because I told Tsunade and Jiraiya to give me time to "talk you out of it", which I'm going to try and use in a roundabout way to get them out of this so that it's yours to deal with for the rest of time.

You shut him up your way, or I have to shut him up their way and I am not your parent and so if we could just avoid that? That'd be fucking wonderful.

Oh, so now you aren't my parent. I'm so glad you have the endorsements needed to change your function whenever it suits you.

I don't have a side. Whatever you think this is, it isn't.

And I will deal with Hiashi-sama.

...Neji.

Even as your mother, I shouldn't have to interfere in this.

You're a big boy.

Now act like it and duct tape his mouth shut or his fingers together. I need you to be a good gang member right now. Not a good son, and not a good martyr.

Neji I need you to do this.

Then get out of it.

And just what would you know of martyrs?

Stop fighting me on this. I wouldn't be in it if I could avoid being in it. Do you even understand that? I should not have to run around after you making sure you don't get into situations that make me look bad. That should not be my concern. It shouldn't have to be. There is no reason I should have to get in here and even say this.

And for some reason, I do. So motherfucking work with me. Tell Sasuke he got his little victory; the two of you can dance around and have sex to the sound of me getting chewed out over the fact that I'm not in there interfering with whatever the fuck you choose to do with your life. I am so fucking sick of seeing people trying to control you and seeing you try to buck them off you, and so I just keep my distance and let you do your own goddamn fucking thing.

I'm your motherfucking abdicate. I've yelled myself hoarse over this whole thing just so that Sasuke can have his peasely little victory and you can be free to do what you and everyone else your age is more than fucking free to do. Sleep with whoever the fuck you want, I don't give a damn. But shut him up when I tell you to, because that it what I need you to do, and I wouldn't tell you to otherwise. Stop fucking fighting me when I'm just trying to look the fuck out for myself.

My motives are selfish, I admit.

But they won't look that way when Hiashi's finished tearing off your limbs and beating you to death with them.

Fuck what I know about martyrs.

I know that they hurt everyone they think they're trying to help more than they ever live to know about.

And that's selfishness if I ever fucking saw it.

You make yourself look bad enough--the fuck if I could help you do it.

As long as you admit you're selfish, you're absolved, hm? Must be nice to know that you've become what you tried not to, but can still be forgiven.

I will ask the Uchiha to shut his mouth so that you may sleep at night without the burning fingers of shame flicking at your earlobes. Nothing I can do about the heat at the back of your neck, though.

I'm not ashamed Neji.

I don't do shame. Or maybe you forgot.

I never painted myself as a saint to Sasuke's devil. I just said I'm stronger, and overall am better at not ripping people's hearts out and throwing them in every godfucking direction available, both of which are inarguably true.

I'm not ashamed.

I'm your kumichou.

And I have asked you to do something.

And you will motherfucking do it.

Already done, sir.

Enjoy the bed you made.

In the utmost of ways.

I'm sorry I haven't been around. There was a transportation incident with some members of the Fei You Di Yuan from Hong Kong, and I'm afraid I must be making arrangements to go there soon - but that is not the issue right now.

What do you need?

God damn it all. Transportation incident? Not one that involves you going because they won't come. That better fuckin' not be what it is. (If it is? I'm coming. I don't care if you like it or not. I'm coming, 'fthat's what's up.)

Don't apologize for anything.

I just want you over here.

...I have things to show you.

Naruto, my leaving is nonnegotiable. You cannot come with me, because you have enough to deal with here. Besides, this is Suna business. Don't worry, though; I won't be leaving until the end of June. However, I will be gone most likely for the entire month of July.

I apologize for apologizing.

...I suppose I'll be on my way, then, though I really am not sure if I want to know what you expect me to do with a dove.

Nonnegotiable? Everything's negotiable. If it isn't, then you obviously haven't pulled out all the stops. (Whole month of July? Goddamn, Gaara, the fuck am I going to do without you for an entire month?)

...doesn't that defeat the purpose?

You'll get it once you get here.

Sometimes compromise is necessary. I've tried my best to resolve this from here, but it requires my greater attention.

The purpose is to avoid harm coming to my members and conflicts between other groups. If it takes my going to China to achieve this, then so be it.

I'm sure you'll find a way to manage without me.

I don't want to.

I do believe you're being petulant.

That's probably what most people would call this, yeah.

Stop fussing. I'm fine. I've just been a bit preoccupied with life. Come over if you want to see me so badly.

Oh, can do. We can throw knives at the wall together. It'll be utterly fantastic. Well, I mean, not for your landlord, but hell. I'll bring some of my own, too. Unless you want to come over and see the birds instead.

Birds?

Birds.

... Ah. Birds.

They're adorable, they really are. And they keep me warm at night. Seem to be the only organisms keen to do so lately not that I wouldn't see why.

I'm sure they're adorable, but, er, Naruto~ Birds aren't exactly the best way to reach Neji. F'you know what I mean.

There the only way I've got right now.

May-be you should just... let him cool down on his own? I hear that helps, sometimes.

Have you ever done that?

Neji doesn't get cool. He gets cold. And I can stomach him being angry. It's when he starts loathing me for everything I am that it gets harder.

No, Naruto. You let him calm down, and then you go grovel at his feet until he forgives you. But if you don't wait until he's not psycho-pissed, grovelling just makes him mad.

I've known him eight years. I'm a pro at this.

Well. Sorta. I just know how to not make him psycho-pissed.