So, uh, yeah. Everything's fine. Uh. Yeah. You know, not even fine, it's good. It's great, it's fanfuckingtastic and you know what, I don't even know who I'm kidding, but I definitely know that it is going to be a long time before you and I go drinking again.

(Not for your sake. For mine.)

At the risk of sounding like a housewife, I really can't wait for him to get home. Because goddammit if I fuck even one more thing up I'm going to have a fucking breakdown, I sear to God I will. And besides all that shit, I'm sick of scaring my own gang into apparent silence. If everyone's dead, somebody better send me a slip from the goddamn morgue.

So, other than the fact that life sucks and my air conditioner isn't just magically coming back on goddammit everything's pretty much fine. I'm working on learning how to spontaneously combust, mostly because I'm sure it's easier than dousing yourself in lighter fluid in a crowded room and waiting for somebody to make a mistake with a candle; I'm trying to learn to Apparate, too, like those crazy British sons of bitches, not because learning to do so would be that useful, but just because popping in and out of existence would be pretty wicked cool.

Being depressed fucking sucks.

( P R I V A T E; )

Dear World,

Let's have hate sex.

Quick, before the hate wears off.

Love,
うずまきナルト

To sum things up, life sucks and everyone hates me. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Everyone in my own gang hates me. Oh, and Sasuke's. But other than that, I'm beloved the motherfucking world over. Can't even touch this. Thank God there's symbolic animals that always come back through the window to try and keep me company. Who the fuck says you can't buy love? Birdseed's barely 600円, you idiot, and that's all it takes.

And here I thought you were good at figuring out symbolism, Hyuuga.

If I didn't tell anyone (most of you know already because I'm just that motherfucking popular) my air conditioning is broken and it's hot. Being the highest form of life that there could ever be does not, apparently, make me immune to heat stroke. If I really faint, I'm going to seriously start questioning my gender.

So, apart from the fact that I got the numbers back from a certain somewhere, and a certain someone hasn't been filling their quota (you know who you are), everything for April matches up. I think Baa-chan's going to have me working off those snakes for a lifetime, but I guess two months isn't really enough to measure how mad she is was ...is? may or may not still be. But fuck, it was worth it. Sakura, you should come over and make sure I haven't done any of this math wrong among other things. I got something from a friend overseas that I'm dying to try out. We can trade off.

In other news, I'm pretty seriously worried about Tenten. Anybody seen or heard anything out of her in the past few weeks? I mean, if she was just avoiding me that'd be fine because I mean, hell, I can fix that but it sounds like she's been avoiding everyone. I'm cool with you antisocialites, don't get me wrong, but I just don't expect it from Ten-chan, you know? Should I be more worried than I have been? Like "contact the authorities" type worried? There's a whole squadron of you people who've been out of my sight for some time now, too. Yeah, here's lookin' at you, Shika. (Lee, I know you're busy, I won't bitch because we're really not all too bad off at the moment.)

I better not find out you three have been skulking around doing shit, though. 'Specially if it's in our name and I haven't heard about it yet. You clear this shit, you guys. No private excavations. Ecchi and Baa-chan have been on my ass about that for reasons I'm not yet licensed to talk about.

By which I mean: Neji, I may or may not need to talk to you. We could avoid aforementioned conversation altogether if you were to beat me to the punch and know what it was about. I'd really rather never, ever have the conversation that my instincts tell me we should probably have, just because I really don't want to interfere with anything you do to that extent. I really don't. So beat me to the goddamn punch and put me out of my misery, won't you? And, uh, if you can, avoid talking to your uncle until I say otherwise. It should only be a few days, tops, but I really need you to either not talk to him or talk to him as little as humanly possible if that differs from your regular itenerary at all.

I'd say it was nothing personal if I were even going to go into that.

I'm not.

Gaara, I need to talk to you, too, for a completely different reason that I'm not at ends to discuss in a public forum, either. They always get me in shit like this, I swear. Nothing bad I don't think but necessary enough. (I need to ask you a favor. ...and your always welcome in my house, too, you know.)

Seven guesses at what I'm holding behind my back. ♥

So things are either slowly getting better or quickly getting worse, and I'm optimistic enough to hope it might be the former, but paranoid enough to be sure it's the latter. It's a weird bunching sensation. I don't know. I feel like I'm hanging from a bungee cord, which is fine and all, but I'm not exactly sure how I got here, so it's kind of bothering me. When did I turn into a therapist, and why didn't I notice or demand a credential when it happened? And if I'm the patient and nobody's telling me, I'll fuck up somebody's shit. Swear to God.

Maybe I'm just waiting for everything to blow up.

Is that bad?

Abuse, allow me to show you it.

So I got home...late (can you call it that?) and realized (a little too far into the game) that my sleeping patterns are all fucked up, and so I decided I should probably stay up so that I can sleep tonight. So I took the paint we had left over, and painted myself with it, and just kind of rolled all over my living room. Then I took a shower and let it dry, and now my living room looks like I was sawing people open in it. It's possibly the funniest motherfucking thing I've ever seen in my life.

I've been checking my hair out in whatever reflective surfaces I run into today, because I kind of just dumped it on my head and then slathered what didn't hit all over my chest and stuff, so it had the most time to dry in my hair and I couldn't get all of it out. It's not really red, anymore. It's not even really...well, alright, it's kind of pink-ish? But it'll grow out by the end of the week. I'm telling you, sometimes this "hair grows at the motherfuckin' speed of light" is pretty cool shit.

Not sure what I'm going to do about the living room. Not exactly sure what I was thinking. But hell, crazy's the new stupid, and panicked is the new calm, so all in all I'm feeling pretty zen. I don't know how much that counts for.

...it should come out. It's water based.

God, I'm a fuckin' riot.

( Gaara; )

( Sakura; )

( Neji; )

If I could pin down, like, one emotion to feel instead of about twenty-million, that'd be nice too. I don't know. Weird times dattebayo. Weird times.